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Another update! Apr. 5th, 2009 @ 11:14 pm
Ok, not as bad this time, less than two months since my last update. Anyways, things are going good, I guess. My room is small, but cozy, and my mom has my credit cards, so I can't get into trouble with them, since I owe so much on them. I'm working towards getting all my debt out of the way, and I'm hoping, depending on how good my raise is next month, and how my hours pan out, that it will be possible within the next year or less. Work is going ok. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it pays my bills, and gets me out of the house, so those are BIG plusses. I haven't had time to think about anything emotionally related, so I've got no real comments on that right now. And I was working out/walking for a while, but I had an issue with one of my toenails this past week and I've been waiting on it to get better, so hopefully when it warms back up from this little winter relapse that they seem to be predicting for this week, I'll get back into that jazz and get back to losing weight. On the bright side of that, though, I have lost 10 pounds in about a month, which is awesome, and I hope I can keep up the good work.

And now, to post some pictures of my room! ;D





Current Music: Three Days Grace - Get Out Alive

So, I'm still here! Feb. 11th, 2009 @ 12:05 am
So, it's been a while since I've last posted, again. I really do need to try to do this more often than once every few months.

Anyways, I have some exciting news. I've moved out of my dad's house, and back into my mom's townhouse. And I'm planning on getting my act together and getting myself out of debt as soon as I can. I've taken three of my four credit cards out of my wallet, so I won't be able to use them if I'm out browsing at the mall. And since I sold my one of my cars, my insurance dropped almost $57/mo, and I renegotiated my loan through CitiFinancial and got my interest rate down, and my payments dropped $10/mo, so I'm saving a little extra money every month that way, that I can then put towards my debt and get that crap out of the way.

And as for the emotional issues I mentioned in my last post, I'm working on getting them back in check, too.

Lastly, I've put the weight that I lost back on, but two of my local friends are going to start coming up and we're going to be working out together, so I'm planning on losing it all again in a few months, and then hopefully I'll keep losing weight and get down to where I want to be. I guess that's all for now, so I'll catch you guys next post, which will hopefully be in less than a month.
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Lisa Miskovsky - Still Alive (Symphony K Bootleg Remix)

This'll be an interesting one, I promise. Jul. 10th, 2008 @ 04:59 pm
I'm going to start out by saying that this is a rather risky post to be leaving public, but right now I really don't care.

Ok, so I talked about how I got a loan to consolidate my debts and all. Well stupid me and my awesome money management, now I've got more debt, and I'm struggling to make it by month to month. So, I figured I'd try to go to CitiFinancial and get some more money to reconsolidate and then TAKE MY CREDIT CARDS OUT OF MY WALLET, but my debt to income ratio is too high, so they can't loan me anymore money. It's mostly due to the fact that I have a loan out for my car that I bought, but I'm fairly certain that the ~$4500 in credit card debt isn't helping. So, I'm stuck with trying to pay everything off solo for now...

Anyways, even though I'm trying to convince myself that my life isn't all that bad (a lack of really good local friends, no love life, kind of win/lose there, and the aforementioned debt issues), it's just not working. I'm not happy. I can't seem to get even to a level of being just content. I just usually end up feeling all empty and sad. I dunno what to do anymore. I'm at a loss. I don't want to be at home all day, and I hardly ever want to go to work. I'm tempted more and more everyday to find a way to just disappear, to leave and never come back. I just don't know.... I'm tired of feeling like shit almost all the time, and I don't know how to make it stop. I need help. Badly.

And just to make this post not entirely OMGEMODEPRESSIONSLITWRISTS!!!!11.... In about 2 months, I lost about 20lbs. Only another 60 to go. @_@
Current Mood: ronery
Current Music: Agnelli & Nelson - Holding Onto Nothing (PVD Edit)

Still Alive. @_@ Apr. 6th, 2008 @ 04:19 am
*clears out the cobwebs and dusts off the journal* Hmmm, guess I've been kind of letting this thing sit around. D; Over a year without an update. ;x

A lot has happened, but not a lot has really changed, I guess. I still work 24-35 hours a week at Red Lobster. I'm living with my dad and stepmom again, after I had moved out for about 8 months to stay with a friend and help him out by letting him use my computer, but I grew tired of living with him because of some things about his personality and attitude that just grated at me constantly. Not much has changed here at home, either... I'm now stuck in the spot of perpetual tech support, even though I know next to nothing about most of the programs my parents get into. It's rather annoying, and I'd love to find a way not to have to do it besides moving out, especially since I can't afford to move out right now. ;x

Ok, so, since my last entry I've learned to drive. ;D No longer do I have a car uselessly sitting around.... well, actually, I do! My old orange Beretta treated me well, but I'm leary about driving it too much anymore.... it's a 1991 afterall, about to be hitting on it's last leg. ;x I took out a loan in February to pay off my bills and get some extra cash to find a car, and I ended up getting a 1999 Grand Am GT for $5000. I put down $2000 when I got it and so my payments are a nice managable $113 a month. However, since I used the Beretta for collateral on the other loan, I have to keep it around (with liability on it) still, so it now sits in the driveway again. xD Insurance runs me about $170 a month, the loan runs me $220, and my cell phone family plan runs me $126 or so.... however, my two friends that are on my plan pay me about $40 a month each to use it, and my mom pays me $10 a month for her line. So I only end up paying like $40 out of pocket, which isn't bad at all. ;D

Also, I've recently built a new gaming pc (and now I play games even less than I did when I built the last one), and I've started fiddling around with linux on my old rig, just to try something new and try to fend off the boredom of being home a lot. ;x Linux isn't too bad... I'm using the Ubuntu distro, it had a pretty painless install, which was nice, since I'm a total n00b to linux and it's heavily command line based operation. In time, I'm sure I'll get used to it and it'll be fun and easy to use. ;D

I guess other than all that, not much new is happening, really. Still no dates! But I'm partially anti-social and never go out, so it's kind of my own fault, in a way. I have difficulty with the whole going out thing though, since I'm actually a pretty shy guy, in person. I'm actually pretty comfortable at work and have fun with the people there, but if I go out to a bar or a big party, I'll just find a quiet corner to sit in and be out of the way. I went out to help a coworker celebrate his birthday last month and just stood in a corner the whole night barely talking, and I didn't really enjoy the night out. :/ So, I dunno, it's something to work at, I guess.

Anyways, it's late, I'm tired, and I need to be up in like 6 hours to get ready for work (YAY!), so I guess that's all for now.

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: ANGTORIA - That`s What The Wise Lady Said

Hurrah, tired rambling post go! Mar. 5th, 2007 @ 05:10 am
Good evening, ladies and gents.

It so happens that I spent some time toninght milling over some old log files from a few years back after locating a friend's cell phone number. I read a few things that really touched me and made me want to make a little post on here. And before I get into the actual stuff that I wanted to post, I suppose I'll give a little update on life at this time.

I'm still working at Red Lobster, usually 5 days a week. I recently got a new computer monitor, another 1GB stick of ram, newer video cards, and a cell phone (with a 1GB microSD to hold some mp3s for it). I still chuck dice once a week at "ye olde RPG table." And I'm still living and moving slowly but surely forward in life.

Anyways, I was reading through some old logs from ohhh, 2-3 years ago, when I was going through a rather "dramatic" time in my life, and I realized that I was quite the bitch back then. I've gotten a lot better since then, though I do still occassionally have relapses. A lot of people were offended by some of the things I did in attempts to reach out for any semblance of comfort. I do want to apologize for this, even though most have probably forgotten about it and moved on. Also, I talked to a lot of people and got a lot of good advice about my situation then, and it really helped to be able to have someone listen (or read, as it was) when I needed it. I had no shortage on "ears" for my problems, and I appreciate all the friends that put up with the crap and stuck around. Surely you all contributed to the continuance of my existance.

And to those of you who I don't really talk to anymore, I'm honestly very sorry. For some, it's scheduling differences, which really can't be helped. For the rest, it's not that I'm ignoring you or not wanting to talk to you, it's just that I'll open an IM window and stare at it, trying to think of how to hold a conversation with you. There are some friends that I miss talking to, but I can't ever seem to find a way to talk to them. It's like writer's block, but focused at preventing me from talking to just certain people. Weird how that works, isn't it.

So ummm..... thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for helping to save my life, directly or indirectly, as I'm sure that 95% of the people that I "met" online had some hand to play in this.


PS, I find the title of this song to be oddly appropriate for this post.
Current Mood: Fooooooking Tired.
Current Music: Alphazone - Flashback (Cloudchaser Remix)
Other entries
» Guess I could do an actual update too....
Life's going along pretty well. I still can't drive. I'm still working at Red Lobster, and I'm still enjoying it. I'm working on paying off my bills quicker, and my tax return is going to be taking a pretty big chunk of them out of the way, so hurrah!

Ummm, that's all I can really think of at the moment so.....catch ya all next time?
» Go quiz go.....pretty accurate, I'd say.

» An update, as it were....
Well, so it seems I'm not quite dead yet, in case anyone was wondering where the hell I've been. I've been pretty well distracted lately. Usually, I'm not home at all for 3 days a week or so. I've been hanging out with some new and old friends playing a pen-and-paper RPG called Destiny. It's similar to D&D, but the creator decided he didn't want to be held back by all of D&D's restrictions. We have fun with it. And this same group of friends all do trampoline wrestling, so I've been trying to be around for that too. Other than that, I work, browse the internet and watch some anime. Funny how I bought a new pc for gaming and hardly game on it at all anymore.

Anyways, onto some other news, I was sitting at work tonight talking to a friend there and she mentioned that she hadn't been on a date in months, so I told her I hadn't been on anything like a date since 2003, which is true. Well, she got up to go do some more of the sidework that needed to be done to close and I sat there thinking about things for a bit. Even though I'm not where I had planned on being 3 years ago, I'm actually pretty content with things right now. Sure my job doesn't have much of a future outside of the Red Lobster company, but I honestly don't mind. I don't think it'd bother me to work there for a few years, I like almost all of my co-workers, and I don't mind doing the jobs I've been trained to do. And even though it's not a *great* job, it's something that keeps me busy and keeps my time occupied for roughly 23-32 hours a week, and I like it. Sure I could be doing something nicer, with a better pay rate if I went back to college, but if I like my job, why leave it? Don't they say that finding a job that you really enjoy is something that is hard to do? I'll see about doing something different when I get tired of working in a kitchen, but for now, I'll enjoy the time I spend there.

And as a final note, the best nights to reach me right now are Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, most days I'm either sleeping in late, not home, or doing stuff around the house to get ready for work. Also, I'm sorry if anyone was worried about me not being around (even on IRC) for a while, like I said, I've just been distracted.
» (No Subject)
Dear Internet,

Fuck off and die.

» Boredom produces some odd thoughts....
So, I've been pretty bored the past few days. I end up looking at my games and deciding none of them sound interesting. Then I look at my movies and decide none of them sound interesting (even the ones I haven't seen yet, or haven't seen in years). Then I look at my mp3s, and I can't pick what to listen to......again, nothing seems interesting. I eventually pick something that I know I like simply to have music playing. This has been happening the past few days. Today I actually went for a walk, because I couldn't find anything to do in my house. The internet is starting to get boring for me, which kind of worries me, becayse I have some really good friends on here.

And then, tonight at work, I'm talking with one of my friends there while she's waiting to get done with her shift. She was just doing all the talking, and I would just listen and nod or voice my (dis)agreement. I felt so disconnected. Like, I just didn't know how to communicate or anything. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think I need something new in life. Something different, a bit of a change, but I dunno what yet.
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